27 March 2008

Hitler might have been a caring person when he was good, but when he was bad he killed 6 million people. The question is not how you are when you are good, but how you are when you are bad.

We all have our dark sides. Sides that we don't want others to know about. Dark sides that come out when we are under pressure, stressed and frustrated.

In your relation to other it is your dark side that you need to work with. When you are good everything is well, but if you get violent when you are mad, it doesn't matter how good you are afterwards.

If you take it out on a colleague when you are stressed, you can apologize as much as you like but you will lose anyway.

In the short term: Learn to handle discussions and conflicts when they arise, because they will as long as you have feelings invested in the project.

If you get jealous it's all about how you handle your jealousy when it arises. If you get angry it's about how you handle that anger when it arises. Hoping for a day without conflict is the same as renouncing all responsibility. Work with yourself, your partner and your team, and get better at being bad. It will help you move on quickly when emotions are heated and the day will not be ruined just because it happened. This also creates a platform for a good day – no matter what happens.

In the long term: If you put a Tibetan monk in a boxing ring, he will start fighting back eventually. Instead of handling your anger and stress, work towards creating an everyday life that will not frustrate you.

A good place to start is with the question: If you knew you couldn't lose, what would you do?

Have a good working day!

/Martin